"Why do I still feel like I'm living in your shadow?" She looked at me, "how? I'm not even there anymore." Unsure of what to say, I just shrugged. I looked back at our pictures together. There were lots of them, I noticed, in the first few weeks of us meeting each other. There were lots of them before everything went awry. Before the two of us drifted apart from each other. There is nothing special about the pictures. It was just us, with some other people, smiling at the camera. But despite our slight resemblance to one another; soft features, dimpled smiles, and calm gaze, there was always something more to hers. Her smile, brighter. Her gaze, steadier. Her gesture, friendlier. Or at least that's what I have convinced myself to believe.
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
It was 11 pm when Sarah, who was already half-asleep, nearly jolted awake due to what she guessed were the 10th intrusive thoughts she had that night. From school-related anxiety to an existential crisis. The number of things her mind can worry about is endless. Yet she doesn’t know how to stop it either. Hence, sleep deprivation has somehow become a habit for her lately.
To Grow Up is To Embrace Uncertainties
As I got older, birthdays that were once full of hope and dreams turned into a day full of anxieties that only reminded me more and more of the uncertainties of life. The hope and dreams were still there. But there were also lingering feelings of disappointment whenever I realized that my childhood birthday dreams would continue to be just that. A dream. A past expectation stuck in my memory. A reminder of how I wish everything could have been.
So for the past week, I have been asking myself. Am I going to let this disappointment wash over me on every future birthday I’m going to have? Am I going to let my future birthdays be ruined because of the anxieties I have about my uncertain future?
A Letter on Middle School Reminisce
Coming from an academic background that values grades and achievements more than anything, those were what I strived to accomplish when I was a new student in Cikal. Never have I thought that what I gain from being here has so much more value than just being a booksmart student.
When I first came to Cikal, like many of you, I was not used to being trusted in leading my own learning journey. And I think that is what makes Cikal so special. We have met teachers who would willingly ask us about our needs. Which brings us a sense of liberation, as we are able to explore our personal interests inside and outside of the classroom.
“Malu Bertanya Sesat di Jalan”, Cukupkah Pepatah Ini?
Sejak kecil, satu kalimat yang selalu muncul dalam kertas ujian, dalam buku pelajaran bahasa, dan terus digaungkan oleh guru di masa TK dan SD adalah:
“Malu bertanya, sesat di jalan.”
Pepatah ini tentu baik artinya. Mengajarkan kita untuk tidak segan bertanya atau mencari bantuan orang lain ketika sedang menghadapi persoalan.
Tapi pepatah ini seharusnya tidak menyebabkan misinterpretasi yang akan berdampak tidak diinginkan pada murid, atau siapapun yang menggunakannya. Sebagai contoh, apakah melontarkan pertanyaan itu harus selalu didahulukan? Ataukah ada hal lain yang seharusnya bisa lebih dulu diupayakan untuk mendapat informasi?
Continue reading ““Malu Bertanya Sesat di Jalan”, Cukupkah Pepatah Ini?”2020 Reading List
Throughout 2020, I have discovered a lot of books that I enjoyed reading and became my personal favorite. So, since the year is coming to an end, I thought it would be appropriate for me to share a list of all the books I have read as well as some of my thoughts about it, in case any of you need inspirations for your TBR list next year!
Video Kelas Kemerdekaan Temu Pendidik Nusantara 2020
Hari Pertama – Proses Refleksi Berkelanjutan untuk Peningkatan Kualitas Belajar
Bila video tidak bisa muncul, silahkan klik link berikut: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vboylWevD8c&t=2851s atau search AKEM1023.
Hari Kedua – Dokumenter Pendek: Covid-19 and Its Impact on Teenagers’ Mental Health
Bila video tidak bisa muncul, silahkan klik link berikut: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNOCEOWHq9k atau search BKEM2068.
StudyTube Culture: Discouraging or Motivating?
As much as YouTube is usually used for entertainment purposes, there has been a new subgenre in the YouTube community that defies from that stereotype, called StudyTube. Just like the name suggested, these StudyTubers exclusively make content related to studying and education.
Within this genre, you may expect an abundance of study tips and methods videos, alongside ‘study with me’ videos, which is a long video (some reach 4 / 5 hours or more) of people studying, and stationary hauls, ‘journal with me’ videos, and many more. These are basically the types of video StudyTubers makes over and over again, or perhaps with some variation of vlogs and routines videos. Whatever it is, videos they make not only attempt to encourage productivity, they also romanticize and make studying as a part of their identity.
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Passion vs. Expectation | Dead Poets Society (1989)
The movie; “Dead Poets Society”, is a must watch classic. The story is about Mr. Keating, a literature teacher, who taught his students about how important it is to ‘seize the day’ and think for themselves. Although they’re in a conservative highschool that defy those kinds of mindset.
Personally I discovered this movie several months ago. And I was immediately attracted to the fact that the story feels very relatable and honest in portraying the truth behind our education system. Even when I’m watching this years after its release.
Before I continue, I will warn you that there will be major spoilers of the movie. So unless you’re fine with it, I think it is better for you to watch it first.
Continue reading “Passion vs. Expectation | Dead Poets Society (1989)”
Book Review: Kafka on the Shore – Haruki Murakami
“It’s all a question of imagination. Our responsibility begins with the power to imagine. It’s just like Yeats said: In dreams begin responsibilities.”
Through this book, Haruki Murakami explores the theme of consciousness and unconsciousness. It’s very interesting, since the book follows 2 storylines simultaneously. For every odd numbered chapter, it is about a boy named Kafka Tamura, who lives with his dad; a famous sculptor, in Tokyo. On his 15th birthday, he makes up his mind to run away from home with hope to break the Oedipus curse that his father made about him. Meaning that based on the curse, Kafka will kill his own father and sleep with his mother and sister.
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Ayunda Damai 