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Reflection

Selamat Ulang Tahun Mamski!

Hai Mamski! Tahun-tahun sebelumnya, aku biasa mengawali hari ulang tahun Mamski dengan mengucap kata selamat dan memberi pelukan tepat setelah aku bangun tidur. Tahun ini agak berbeda ya mams. Dengan aku berkuliah 298 kilometer jauhnya dari rumah, rutinitas kita jadi berubah. Tapi aku harap dengan tulisan ini akan terasa sama spesialnya ❤

Sebagai anak semata wayang Mamski yang mengetahui seluk beluk karakternya, aku bisa dengan yakin menyatakan bahwa ada dua kata yang paling tepat mendeskripsikan Mamski: Berdaya dan memberdayakan.

Mamski adalah ibu yang berdaya. Membesarkanku sebagai ibu tunggal sembari mempertahankan pekerjaannya sebagai dosen dan menghadapi berbagai tantangan lainnya bukanlah hal yang mudah. Tapi Mamski berhasil menjalankan semua itu dengan ketangguhan yang luar biasa. Selama 20 tahun terakhir, Mamski konsisten menjadi dosen yang selalu semangat berkontribusi untuk orang-orang di sekitarnya dan selalu berkarya melalui buku-buku dan media lainnya. Di saat yang bersamaan, Mamski merupakan ibu yang meski tidak sempurna tapi selalu ada di sisiku dalam situasi apapun. Bahkan sekarang ketika aku sedang merantau, apapun yang terjadi, aku tahu akan selalu ada Mamski yang menjadi tempat amanku untuk kembali atau sekadar menceritakan hari yang semakin bervariasi. 

Mamski jugalah ibu yang memberdayakan. Bagi Mamski, pengalaman sehari-hari dan situasi tidak terduga adalah ruang terbaik untukku belajar dan berkembang menjadi perempuan yang tangguh pula. Maka diskusi sehari-hari dengan Mamski, baik dulu saat aku masih menjadi anak sekolah maupun sekarang saat di bangku perkuliahan, selalu memberikanku banyak insight baru. Karena melalui diskusi-diskusi inilah aku mendapatkan banyak ruang untuk memahami emosiku serta merefleksikan perbuatanku.

Usaha Mamski dalam memberdayakanku juga terlihat dalam bagaimana Mamski selalu memberikan kepercayaan padaku untuk memiliki ruang-ruang belajar secara mandiri. Seperti ketika aku lulus SMA, Mamski tidak pernah sekalipun melarangku untuk menuntut ilmu jauh dari rumah. Walaupun dipertanyakan, diragukan, atau dikhawatirkan oleh banyak orang, keyakinan Mamski tetap bulat. Mamski tidak pernah ingin membatasi kesempatanku untuk terus belajar dimanapun itu yang terbaik untukku.

Karena itu, selamat ulang tahun Mamski, perempuan yang paling aku kagumi, dulu, kini, dan nanti.

Sama seperti do’aku tahun lalu, aku harap Mamski selalu dilimpahi kesehatan, keselamatan, dan ketenangan. Dan semoga akan ada banyak pintu-pintu kebahagiaan yang terbuka untuk Mamski di masa mendatang. 

I love you Mamskiii ❤

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Reflection School

Menjadi Manusia Merdeka

Janji-janji manis kemerdekaan rupanya tidak hanya menggiurkan bagi negara saja, tapi juga bagi rakyatnya. Tak terkecuali Soe Hok Gie, seorang aktivis dan mahasiswa sastra Universitas Indonesia di zaman Orde Lama dan Orde Baru. Bahkan hingga ditulisnya dalam buku Catatan Seorang Demonstran bahwa:

Hanya ada 2 pilihan, menjadi apatis atau mengikuti arus. Tetapi aku memilih untuk jadi manusia merdeka.

Soe Hok Gie

Kebebasan dan kemandirian, siapa yang tidak menginginkan itu semua? Seperti kata Nyai Ontosoroh dalam buku Bumi Manusia, “berbahagialah dia yang makan dari keringatnya sendiri, bersuka karena usahanya sendiri, dan maju karena pengalamannya sendiri” (Toer, 2010). Semua terasa lebih baik bila setiap individu bisa menentukan pilihan hidupnya sendiri.

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Reflection School

Pemilu: The Festival of Democracy (For Whom?)

A month ago, on 14 February, we Indonesians exercised our rights to vote for future leaders of this country in the general election. They like to call it “The Festival of Democracy”, a celebration of the freedom of choice in voting for the people we think best represent our vision and values. But this terminology never sat right with me, as I see news after news of intimidation and bribery linked to the presidential candidates. What could be celebrated if what we have is a flawed electoral process and an unjust system?

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Reflection

On 18 and Learning To Be

I just turned 18 this January. Finally, an age that marks the end of high school, the start of my university years, and bridges my way toward young adulthood.

Years upon years in my teenage life so far, I’m a proud witness as I see my friends, or other kids my age, start figuring out the job they want to do in the future and their passion which will define who they are. From doctors, business owners, and designers, to creating initiatives and being a changemaker. They commit to those passions with all they can.

I watched them all with pride, but also a tinge of envy.

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Reflection

Selamat Ulang Tahun Papski

Sejak umur 8 tahun, aku sudah tidak tinggal serumah dengan Papski. Awalnya, karena pekerjaannya di luar kota.

Selama beberapa tahun setelahnya, Papski selalu menyempatkan diri untuk pulang ke Sidoarjo, walau hanya sekitar 2-3 minggu sekali. Setiap kali aku tahu kalau Papski akan pulang, pada Sabtu jam 6 pagi, aku selalu menunggu, mengawasi jalan depan rumah. Begitu terus sampai ada taksi datang dan Papski muncul dari dalamnya. Sayangnya, tidak sampai 48 jam kemudian, tepat pada hari Minggu jam 6 malam, aku sudah harus berpamitan dengan Papski yang kembali pergi.

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Reflection

What it Means to Honour the Past: A Reflection on Snow Globes, Solo, and Identity

For as long as I can remember, my home has always been decorated with snow globes. Once they were on a bookshelf, positioned right around the entrance of the house. Every morning it glimmered every time it was shone by the morning sun. Standing in their glory, knowing their important role in my family’s life: Mementos for every place either of us have visited, keepsakes for all the memories that have been made. 

From these snow globes, I learned that no matter how everything changes with time, it is important to carry the past with me. Not because what happened in the past is better. But because it represents the process and the journey, where I learn and grow and become who I am today. Honouring the past means remembering where I came from and what I have gone through. So I started collecting small, mundane things, like movie tickets, receipts, train tickets, or postcards. In case in the future, I need to remember the long winding road I have overcome to understand who I am and develop even further.

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Reflection

Pause, Blink, and It’s 2023: The Distorted Time Perception During and After The Covid-19 Pandemic

Time paused in 2020, and ever since, someone has been pressing the fast-forward button for a bit too long to the extent that the last three years felt more like a blur. Isn’t it weird how three years have never felt so long while you were experiencing it, but now it all seems like it’s flying away so fast once it ended?

How we perceive and experience time, or time perception, is often mind-boggling. Even when the “duration” of time itself is the same for everyone (e.g. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, etc), it was proved in the 2010 research by Sackett and Meyvis that some days may feel longer or shorter based on several factors, such as our emotions or the number of activities that differ from our routines, because time is subjective. Fear and happiness could make time goes faster, while boredom may slow it down. When we stick to a certain routine, after a while, time will go quicker without us noticing. But spruce things up a little, and at that moment, time wouldn’t go as hurriedly. 

However, the way these last three years went is more extreme than just an hour flying by or a day slipping away. Instead of flying by or slipping away, time was distorted, with it feeling both very fast and very slow simultaneously. In this case, our time perception during the pandemic could be more accurately defined by another keyword: Temporal disintegration. 

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Reflection

“Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I’m writing about them. I am.”

I feel called out by this anonymous quote I found one day on Pinterest. It is the truth, after all, I am constantly writing about them.

About the kids that I grew up with whose presence in my life now is nothing but a few Instagram notifications from time to time.

About the girl that I low-key looked up to in middle school.

About the old friends and the almost-friends and the ex-friends that I wished I talked more with.

About the strangers that I only met a couple of times and whose life stories are still etched in my memory.

And about so many others who I have met in my short 16 years of living.

Real-life mundane, often overlooked, stories always fascinate me. I believe that there is always beauty in every small interaction and conversation. In the way that our eyes lit up when hearing our friend’s stories. In the faint smile and subtle signs of contentment. Even in the knowledge that hundreds of people we meet every day each have their own lives to live, their own stories to tell.

Small moments always hold the most value, even if we don’t realize it at first.

And I always love to capture these stories and moments in my writings. I enjoy remembering overheard whispers and conversations while trying to guess or make up my version of what happened there. I like interpreting faces and gestures, attempting to figure out what kind of person they are. And I especially love to imagine alternative endings to real-life situations I experienced or heard of. This is why I started the Conversation series so that I could have a space where I could share these –hopefully somewhat relatable– semi-fictional stories. 

So, I guess, consider this post as an introduction to what kind of writing I’m going to publish more in this blog. Of course, there would still be book reviews here and there and occasional stories about some of my experiences. But also expect more of these semi-fiction pieces and personal reflections, where I will be writing stories inspired by people I know in real life (and yes, it might be about you :D). 

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Featured on Reflection School

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

A feature article (Year 10 English Acquisition assignment) for Sekolah Cikal Surabaya Student Council‘s Bilik Ekspresi Program.

It was 11 pm when Sarah, who was already half-asleep, nearly jolted awake due to what she guessed were the 10th intrusive thoughts she had that night. From school-related anxiety to an existential crisis. The number of things her mind can worry about is endless. Yet she doesn’t know how to stop it either. Hence, sleep deprivation has somehow become a habit for her lately.

While others might not experience it as worse, Sarah’s story represents the lives of millions of teenagers during the pandemic. Even though they long to wander and explore the world, for over a year now, they are confined in their own house with a puzzle that seems unsolvable; their negative thoughts and emotions.

Before the pandemic, most teenagers are used to distracting themselves from facing these thoughts. So when the pandemic hits, they are forced to face all their negative emotions without any preparation beforehand. As a result, the pandemic worsens their conditions further. Lack of peer support, miscommunication in an online school, and other stressful situations have all contributed to the deterioration of teenagers’ mental health.

According to UNICEF, teenagers in half of all households in Indonesia showed signs of difficulty concentrating and sleeping. Behavioral and emotional problems have also gotten more severe as a necessary psychological intervention has not been done.

While recovering from these negative conditions might feel impossible, turns out it is still feasible to do. “Although I’m an extrovert, I have learned that some alone time gives me so much more time to do self-reflection, figure out what is the cause of the problems I’m facing, and then improve my well-being from there,” said Dea, Sarah’s friend, when they discussed mental health.

Teenagers’ coping mechanisms may vary, but the key to all of them is the ability to accept and reflect on each of their conditions. Some might apply it through writing their thoughts, some others through painting or art-related mediums. Whatever it is, validating their thoughts and emotions should be the first step for teenagers to cope and heal through this hard time.

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Reflection

To Grow Up is To Embrace Uncertainties

As I got older, birthdays that were once full of hope and dreams turned into a day full of anxieties that only reminded me more and more of the uncertainties of life. The hope and dreams were still there. But there were also lingering feelings of disappointment whenever I realized that my childhood birthday dreams would continue to be just that. A dream. A past expectation stuck in my memory. A reminder of how I wish everything could have been.

So for the past week, I have been asking myself. Am I going to let this disappointment wash over me on every future birthday I’m going to have? Am I going to let my future birthdays be ruined because of the anxieties I have about my uncertain future?