Author: Ayunda Damai

Learner & Storyteller

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Reflection

What it Means to Honour the Past: A Reflection on Snow Globes, Solo, and Identity

For as long as I can remember, my home has always been decorated with snow globes. Once they were on a bookshelf, positioned right around the entrance of the house. Every morning it glimmered every time it was shone by the morning sun. Standing in their glory, knowing their important role in my family’s life: Mementos for every place either of us have visited, keepsakes for all the memories that have been made. 

From these snow globes, I learned that no matter how everything changes with time, it is important to carry the past with me. Not because what happened in the past is better. But because it represents the process and the journey, where I learn and grow and become who I am today. Honouring the past means remembering where I came from and what I have gone through. So I started collecting small, mundane things, like movie tickets, receipts, train tickets, or postcards. In case in the future, I need to remember the long winding road I have overcome to understand who I am and develop even further.

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Featured on

Di Dalam Diri

https://www.instagram.com/p/CltKsufyZDv/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
As featured in @kolomremaja on December 3rd, 2022.

Di dalam diri, anak kecil itu masih bernyawa. Ikut melanglang buana, mengelilingi dunia, dan memuaskan angannya. Sesekali ia memekik kesenangan atau pula tersedu sedan. Atau merasa asing dan seorang diri melihat semuanya sudah berganti.

Anak kecil itu lahir dari ketidakpastian dan tumbuh dengan segala yang familiar. Satu-satunya hal yang ia hendaki hanyalah untuk pulang. Kembali ke dekapan ayah dan ibunya. Kembali ke rangkulan rumah mungilnya. Tapi apa daya, kesempatan untuk pulang telah sirna oleh waktu. Digantikan dengan kesempatan untuk pergi dan tidak kembali.

Maka anak kecil itu semakin takut dan ragu. Ia terus merengek dan memohon. Dalam pintanya, ia bertanya, kapan pulang? Tapi tidak ada yang mampu menjawab. Hingga tangisnya memelan dan hilang. Hingga ia hanya bisa termangu dan terdiam. 

Namun luka-lukanya menyayat semakin dalam.

Maka gapailah anak kecil itu dan peluk ia erat-erat. Tidak ada yang abadi, termasuk luka-luka yang ia hadapi. Dan ketika badai telah usai, ia akan kembali riang menikmati pelangi yang hadir. Dan luka-lukanya, semoga, perlahan pulih dan tidak akan pedih lagi.

Dan anak kecil itu akan terus mengiringi langkah kaki ini.

Categories
Reflection

Pause, Blink, and It’s 2023: The Distorted Time Perception During and After The Covid-19 Pandemic

Time paused in 2020, and ever since, someone has been pressing the fast-forward button for a bit too long to the extent that the last three years felt more like a blur. Isn’t it weird how three years have never felt so long while you were experiencing it, but now it all seems like it’s flying away so fast once it ended?

How we perceive and experience time, or time perception, is often mind-boggling. Even when the “duration” of time itself is the same for everyone (e.g. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, etc), it was proved in the 2010 research by Sackett and Meyvis that some days may feel longer or shorter based on several factors, such as our emotions or the number of activities that differ from our routines, because time is subjective. Fear and happiness could make time goes faster, while boredom may slow it down. When we stick to a certain routine, after a while, time will go quicker without us noticing. But spruce things up a little, and at that moment, time wouldn’t go as hurriedly. 

However, the way these last three years went is more extreme than just an hour flying by or a day slipping away. Instead of flying by or slipping away, time was distorted, with it feeling both very fast and very slow simultaneously. In this case, our time perception during the pandemic could be more accurately defined by another keyword: Temporal disintegration. 

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Reflection

To Grow Up is To Embrace Uncertainties

As I got older, birthdays that were once full of hope and dreams turned into a day full of anxieties that only reminded me more and more of the uncertainties of life. The hope and dreams were still there. But there were also lingering feelings of disappointment whenever I realized that my childhood birthday dreams would continue to be just that. A dream. A past expectation stuck in my memory. A reminder of how I wish everything could have been.

So for the past week, I have been asking myself. Am I going to let this disappointment wash over me on every future birthday I’m going to have? Am I going to let my future birthdays be ruined because of the anxieties I have about my uncertain future?

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Categories
School

A Letter on Middle School Reminisce

Coming from an academic background that values grades and achievements more than anything, those were what I strived to accomplish when I was a new student in Cikal. Never have I thought that what I gain from being here has so much more value than just being a booksmart student.

When I first came to Cikal, like many of you, I was not used to being trusted in leading my own learning journey. And I think that is what makes Cikal so special. We have met teachers who would willingly ask us about our needs. Which brings us a sense of liberation, as we are able to explore our personal interests inside and outside of the classroom. 

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Book Review

2020 Reading List

Throughout 2020, I have discovered a lot of books that I enjoyed reading and became my personal favorite. So, since the year is coming to an end, I thought it would be appropriate for me to share a list of all the books I have read as well as some of my thoughts about it, in case any of you need inspirations for your TBR list next year!

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Reflection

Passion vs. Expectation | Dead Poets Society (1989)

The movie; “Dead Poets Society”, is a must watch classic. The story is about Mr. Keating, a literature teacher, who taught his students about how important it is to ‘seize the day’ and think for themselves. Although they’re in a conservative highschool that defy those kinds of mindset.

Screenshot 2020-07-05 at 12.50.36 PM

Personally I discovered this movie several months ago. And I was immediately attracted to the fact that the story feels very relatable and honest in portraying the truth behind our education system. Even when I’m watching this years after its release.

Before I continue, I will warn you that there will be major spoilers of the movie. So unless you’re fine with it, I think it is better for you to watch it first.

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Book Review

Book Review: Kafka on the Shore – Haruki Murakami

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“It’s all a question of imagination. Our responsibility begins with the power to imagine. It’s just like Yeats said: In dreams begin responsibilities.”

Through this book, Haruki Murakami explores the theme of consciousness and unconsciousness. It’s very interesting, since the book follows 2 storylines simultaneously.  For every odd numbered chapter, it is about a boy named Kafka Tamura, who lives with his dad; a famous sculptor, in Tokyo. On his 15th birthday, he makes up his mind to run away from home with hope to break the Oedipus curse that his father made about him. Meaning that based on the curse, Kafka will kill his own father and sleep with his mother and sister.

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Book Review

Book Review: Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng

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“Sometimes you need to scorch everything to the ground, and start over. After the burning the soil is richer, and new things can grow. People are like that, too. They start over. They find a way.”

– page 324

Celeste Ng’s book has once again amazed me by the way she portrays her characters and the unpredictable plot in the story. This time, it was ‘Little Fires Everywhere’. A bestselling book published in 2017 that receives a high rating on online bookstores and other social media platforms.

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Book Review

Book Review: Everything I Never Told You – Celeste Ng

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“You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Force yourself to smile. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.”

This debut novel by Celeste Ng tells the story of an Asian-American parents; Marilyn and James Lee, and their three teenage children. There’s Nath, the oldest son who is undeniably talented, and Hannah, the youngest daughter of the family. But whatever they’re doing, it’s often put aside by their parents because of Lydia, the middle child. Though she never asked for it, Lydia’s described as the golden child of the family who’s holding up all of the expectations from her parents. From the expectation to be a successful doctor in the future, expectation to have a good social skill, up to the hinted expectation for her to always follow what Marilyn and James say. Without realizing how Lydia is mentally and emotionally exhausted because of it.

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